Firstly I came to a very interesting realization today. I have a number of ventures underway in life, some purely work related and others related to game development. Earlier this evening it finally dawned on me that I am pathetic at sales and marketing.

Up until this point I have been tackling this thorny area with sporadic and unfocused efforts that have predictably been fairly unrewarding. I'm sure all this is no surprise to you (it was no surprise to me either). But what is interesting is the why of it.

I am a perfectionist, not easy to admit actually but it’s true. I always try to convince myself I’m not but actually I am. I realized today that to market successfully you need to feel that your product is good to go, worth using and generally something people will enjoy (get value from).

As all of you probably know development is never really finished, finishing is really an arbitrary line that the developer draws when they believe the product is in a stable and usable state and meets many of the functions that they envisaged it to meet.

As a perfectionist I find it hard to commit to a product being in a finished state, there is always more to do and this is why I have had trouble committing to any serious marketing and sales effort.

Ok so moving along, so I’m telling myself that my first product Dreamstars is finally “finished”. This is still a very hard concept for me to accept but I am trying *grins*. This belief has allowed me to actually dedicate myself to the task of marketing in whole hearted fashion.

So having done that for the rest of the night I have come up with my first “series” spiel that I am hoping to use as the basis of my web page, a pamphlet I want to get printed and just a general document to send along with letters to magazines and even a resource to use in face to face sales. I was hoping those of you who have written a number of these might offer me some feedback on my first (serious) one.

Dreamstars

Are you looking for something a little different? Are you sick of the endless parade of First Person Shooters and Real Time Strategies?

Dreamstars might just be the game for you. Dreamstars builds on the classic game-play of the older generation of games. But this is no simple clone. While the core game play incorporates many elements of Asteroids, the Atari classic, the combat system and ship construction mode are more reminiscent of modern RPG shooters like Diablo.

Seamlessly combined these elements make for a modern fun packed game that will be enjoyed by anybody that enjoyed the classic shooters of old.

Dreamstars boasts another feature that is often all too lacking in the big commercial titles and that is replay value. We guarantee that no two games of Dreamstars will ever be the same.

Are you sick of being labelled a computer game hermit by others? Dreamstars lets you invite your friends and family to play two player co-operative games on the same computer; finally a game for the social gamers and the solo gamers a like.

Because Dreamstars incorporates a strong retro look and feel it does not require the latest spec machine to run, in fact we have a lot of customers who purchase Dreamstars because it is the perfect game for them to play on their laptop.

But don’t take our word for it, at under 4MB why not download the demo and try Dreamstars for yourself.

The bottom line is that Dreamstars is a low cost shareware game with good replay value and a money back guarantee, give it a try and I’m sure you will agree it is the best value-for-money game you have purchased all year.

Well, I'm the last person to talk about marketing, but your Diablo reference made me check out the site, and the underdogs comment made me download the game. So, thumbs up. :)

I like the spiel - it's a good sales pitch. However I would change one thing, this line:

The bottom line is that Dreamstars is a low cost shareware game with good replay value and a money back guarantee, give it a try and I’m sure you will agree it is the best value-for-money game you have purchased all year.

I was reading through thinking about how good the game sounds, then as soon as I read the words low and cost my mental image of the game suddenly shifted to a very low budget effort. EG low budget as in hollywood terms so the graphics will be poor and the feel will be wrong etc.

I think you should substitute low-cost with affordable. Affordable has positive connotations, low-cost (at least to me) feels negative. There are a lot of people that belive you get what you pay for and low-cost to them will set off alarm bells.

I think now I'll go check out the game :)

It sounds like a good start; consider putting a more of a positive spin on it and tightening up the wording. Lose terms like "sick," "old," and "lacking" -- I'd rather hear what's good about your game without hearing what's bad about others: Are you looking for something a little different? (Always!) Are you sick of the endless parade of First Person Shooters and Real Time Strategies? (Nope! Do I have to hate FPSes and RTSes to like your game?)

I would lose the questions in the opening. When you ask yes-no questions like that in an ad, you're giving the reader a chance to answe, "No" - in which case they may move on. So yes, you're appealing to the people who *are* looking for something different, and who *are*sick of the endless parade (maybe), but what about the others? I personally stop reading an ad/blurb/spiel as soon as I see questions thrown back at me. I want info, not a conversation or a quiz.

Also, telling me that Dreamstars 'might just be the game' for me is implying that it might not be. Always try to avoid any implication that the reader may not be interested in the game.

Uh, didn't Armada for the Dreamcast try this (granted, it did fairly well).

Armada is awesome....I hope, I just bought it off half.com

Joe

PS: A spiel is great if you can get people to read it. If...

Thanks guys those where really insightful comments.

Dreamstars is more my marketing playground product, I don't think the potential customer base is huge so it is a good opportunity for me to play around with some ideas and hopfully gain some experience.

Normally I don't give away my marketing genius for free ;) but I couldn't resist taking a whack at this.

I shortened it from 8 paragraphs down to 6, which is still a little long for my tastes. I'm of the opinion that each paragraph between your opening and your call to action is simply another opportunity to lose your customer. I'd like to see this down to 3-4 paragraphs.

Your main problem (in my opinion) is that your voice was just too passive. Much in the same way that developers undervalue their games in pricing they also undervalue in marketing. Have confidence! Examples:

"may be the game for you" = is the game for you!
"enjoyed by anybody that..." = enjoyed by everyone!
"good replay value" = the best replay value!

You aren't going to jail if someone disagrees with your marketing blurbs :)

I agree with previous notes to drop any negative comments towards the mainstream or other games. I would also argue to drop any "similar to-s" and "incorporates elements of-s". Frankly saying you incorporate elements of Diablo is more marketing hyperbole than saying "Dreamstars is the best game ever!". Even if you say you're not a clone, bringing up Asteroids negates that comment.

You are original! Even if you "borrowed" elements (everyone, even Anthony Flack :), does) you are not required to pay homage to those sources, players will spot those influences for themselves.

Blah, I've talked too much - here's my attempt:

---------blurb----------

If you're looking for the most fun possible at the best value then Dreamstars is the game for you!

Dreamstars seamlessly combines the outrageous action of classic arcade games with the deep player customization of an RPG! The end result is a game that is both truly original yet instantly familiar to anyone who plays it.

Don't want to play alone? Dreamstars lets you share the fun by bringing your family and friends in on the action with 2 player co-operative mode. With it's unlimited replay value we guarantee that no two games of Dreamstars will ever be the same!

Dreamstars has been highly optimized to run on virtually any computer! Many customers are purchasing it as the perfect game for their laptop or work computers (just don't tell the boss!).

Download Dreamstars now and see what all the fuss is about. At under 4 megabytes you could be playing within minutes!

Dreamstars is an astounding value and a wildly fun game to play! With our "no questions asked", money back guarantee you know any purchase is secure and risk-free!

---------end blurb----------

If you have confidence in your game then you shouldn't be afraid to shove it in the customer's face and say "play this, you idiot!".

Even if you "borrowed" elements (everyone, even Anthony Flack , does)

Goodness me, of course I do! (am I really that militant?) :)

Might have to give this one a try - I'll leave the marketing comments to the people who are good at this sort of thing and just give the game a go...

PS: A spiel is great if you can get people to read it. If...Good point - I didn't bother to read the first spiel because I thought "blahhh, too much text, too long". It didn't grab me, sorry!

Where you had Dreamstars as your heading, if you'd followed it with a short exciting description of your game (just a few words) I would've been tempted to read more. Catchy headings are extremely important. Following that, a really good first sentence helps to reinforce the interest from the heading. Of course, this is all easier said then done. But I think cutting back from 8 paragraphs will help a lot.

Originally posted by KNau
Dreamstars seamlessly combines the outrageous action of classic arcade games with the deep player customization of an RPG!
This is just a single mans opinion, but "deep player customization" reads like "tedious" and "micromanagement" for me. I liked the Diablo hyperbole better, it's what made me check out the site in the first place. I agree it's too long, though, I only skimmed through it on the first read, and that Diablo stuff caught my eye.

Someone caught my big little hint at the end of my armada talk...

How do you deliver a description like that? Will people read it word for word? Will they skim it?

Well, the first question is up to you, there are a lot of ways... when you submit for download you could use it as your game description, it could be on the front page of your website, it could be in very small print on a 768 banner (haha).

If people read it word for word, thats great. There is a a certain type of customer who WILL read it word for word. If they are your target audience with this game, that is perfect... but I don't think they are.

So what you will get is people who read that entire spiel in about 1.5 seconds. What do they look for? Well, if you are smart, bold the meat of the spiel. Knau unknowingly already did that... or maybe he did it knowingly.

For no fee, I will do MY public re-write of this:


Dreamstars

A full throttle arcade action meets deep RPG. Quick to download and compatible with all computers.
Key features include:

*Multiplayer Co-op mode!

*Runs on all computers

*Seemless combination of RPG and Action

*Money back guarantee you know any purchase is secure and risk-free!

*And much, much, more.


If you can't read it in 3 seconds you are really wasting your text.

Legally speaking you can make claims like knau said too, your game is not a good game, it is the best game of 2004. It is better than quake, unreal, diablo 2, and civilization combined. This is called puffing and you can do it all you want. Therefore you can probably improve my "spiel" a little more... but like I said, if you are targetting people who actually read that stuff, your spiel is on the right track. If you are targetting people visiting your site you only have a few seconds with them, so MAKE IT COUNT.


Joseph Lieberman

Thanks for all the examples they are very insightful.

As tempting as it may be to use someone elses take, the whole purpose of this post is to help me develop my own marketing skills. That being said this is my second take -

Dreamstars

Top down shooting mayhem that never grows old!

More replay value than any other game! We guarantee that no two games will ever be the same!

Multiplayer co-operative and action vs. strategy modes add even more replay value.

Classic game play makes this a game that anyone can pick up and play.

Quick to download and nearly instant to register with a full no-questions-asked money back guarantee!

Dreamstars offers you years of replay value at a very affordable price. This is a must have game for any PC owner, it even works on laptops!

Now take a look at your first post and your new one side by side... I think its quite a step in the right direction... anyone agree?

Indeed, a lot improvement of improvement there - but!

I actually bothered to read the text in the first post, but the second one is huge turnoff for me. You set the format up for easy skimming, even highlighted key stuff for me. Problem is, there's just way to much "key stuff" for me to skim.

I think it would be wise to cut highlights down to key words, instead of key sentences.